Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Twitaceous era 29: A low tolerance for acrobats

This week on my Twitter feed I'm terrorised by corporate fun and a public speaker who shouldn't.

Today I'll be livetweeting my firm's mandatory "fun" day at the O2. Because if I have to suffer so do you.
9:47 AM - 24 Sep 2014

Colleague: "Having known Nick for a year I'm pretty confident he's going to hate this more than anyone here."
10:02 AM - 24 Sep 2014

Well someone was singing "Don't Stop Believing" before we even entered the venue, so he's not wrong.
10:03 AM - 24 Sep 2014

We have flashing wristbands. Yay! Accountancy!
10:38 AM - 24 Sep 2014

The unemployed actor doing the announcements just listed his entire CV. "You might have seen me in Citizen Khan!" Yeah, we might not.
11:16 AM - 24 Sep 2014

We've had Tinie Tempah on to play to his core audience of accountants.
11:57 AM - 24 Sep 2014

There's a skit about the firm's history now. AKA pee break time.
 11:58 AM - 24 Sep 2014

We've had tax auditors breakdancing to "Goldfinger" because??!!!!????
12:28 PM - 24 Sep 2014

No, everyone's really into the Global Strategy speech, honest. It's just more people need the loo now than when Tinie Tempah was on.
1:28 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Whoever hired Jamie Oliver to do a speech about empowerment should be fired with extreme prejudice.
2:14 PM - 24 Sep 2014

"I'm no public speaker" says Jamie Oliver, and goes on to prove it.
2:15 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Like any other time three or more people are looking in the same direction, Stomp turned up. See also: Suggs.
2:31 PM - 24 Sep 2014

No really though, Madness turned up as well.
2:41 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Security won't let us take drinks cans in but they still let Tinie tell us to throw bombs on it. Double standards.
3:10 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Yeah, I might skip the video about career advancement in a firm I'll be unemployed from this time next week.
4:01 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Oh, acrobats. I have quite a low tolerance for acrobats.
4:09 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Geldof's here. To be fair even he doesn't seem to know why.
4:56 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Grand finale: Florence and the Latrine. I'm off, there's Shakespeare to be watched.
5:25 PM - 24 Sep 2014

Wrestling with tops on? What is this blasphemy? #intervaltweets
8:54 PM - 24 Sep 2014

A 5-minute interval? Well that's eccentric #intervaltweets
8:23 PM - 25 Sep 2014

"LiLo finds acting a challenge." To be fair, Metro, she finds walking in a straight line a challenge.
9:08 AM - 26 Sep 2014

There's some kind of Nordic deity sitting in my eyeline. You know when you're not sure if you want to shag him or climb him? That.
1:04 PM - 26 Sep 2014

Sleb Spot: Belinda Lang watching a play about plastic surgery *Miranda face to camera*
10:27 PM - 26 Sep 2014

Children's parties now? This pub's morph into Chuck E Cheese continues unabated, I see.
3:09 PM - 27 Sep 2014

Two shows this week I highly recommend: Albion … … and As You Like It …
11:20 AM - 28 Sep 2014

On this week's Family Guy, Peter tried to marry his own son. I didn't realise Jeremy Irons had joined the writing staff.
10:22 PM - 28 Sep 2014

Oh, Sexy Scottish Peter Pan. Yes, I'm quite looking forward to tonight.
11:57 AM - 29 Sep 2014

Sleb Spot: Nigel Harman not having the correct change for a Teh Internet playtext.
7:28 PM - 29 Sep 2014

Oh fine, because apparently I needed to be more obsessed with Sexy Scottish Peter Pan than I was already.
10:27 PM - 29 Sep 2014

I don't know why anyone who calls The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy "some pop-culture thing" thought they stood a chance on Only Connect
5:05 PM - 30 Sep 2014

I'm on the Olivier stage, as has clearly always been my destiny.
7:23 PM - 30 Sep 2014

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