Twitterball 44: You're not Madonna dearie

This week on my Twitter feed I get retweeted by an air conditioner, and continue to tweet about rubbish reality TV.

Tube map Google doodle! http://twitpic.com/btmso5
12:08 AM - 9 Jan 13

Wait, Cee Lo Green was Gnarls Barkley? Am I the last person to figure this out?
10:03 AM - 9 Jan 13

@stevenperkins @merseytart obviously now I need a Muppet chicken cover of "Crazy" to exist.
10:09 AM - 9 Jan 13

Dragon Wrangler Spot: Evan Davis at the Finborough.
2 RETWEETS
7:26 PM - 9 Jan 13

I'm very much Here For This. http://twitpic.com/bu0wid
1:39 PM - 10 Jan 13

Not a bad day for interesting casting news - Nicholas Farrell and Olly Alexander in Peter & Alice...
4:16 PM - 11 Jan 13

...Michelle Terry, Alex Price, Stella Gonet and Katherine Parkinson in Before the Party... Sinead Matthews and Max Bennett in A Time To Reap
4:18 PM - 11 Jan 13

...and Meera Syal and DAMIEN MOLONY! in If You Don't Let Us Dream We Won't Let You Sleep.
4:19 PM - 11 Jan 13

Also Lucian Msamati in the latter, so insert joke here about Molony playing his great-grandfather.
4:20 PM - 11 Jan 13

@Elsiebrewster Royal Court Downstairs next month.
4:57 PM - 11 Jan 13

No, I haven't had an accident in the last two years. Or indeed in the last TWO MINUTES since you last phoned.
5:24 PM - 11 Jan 13

Why does Britney Spears affect a bad British accent in that duet with William? You're not Madonna dearie.
5:23 PM - 12 Jan 13

Come on #splash, I know you can be even more spectacularly shit this week if you try.
7:04 PM - 12 Jan 13

Oh Tom, I think your own performance at the Olympics showed everyone that diving isn't easy. #splash
7:06 PM - 12 Jan 13

"Diving has a danger of split skin." So does having sex with Jordan. Ask Gareth Gates. #splash
7:07 PM - 12 Jan 13

"With thanks to Dave. (The TV channel.)" As opposed to Dave who done the grouting. #splash
7:09 PM - 12 Jan 13

"Swimwear designer Caprice." Sure, if you say so. #splash
7:18 PM - 12 Jan 13

Yeah, I'm sure Caprice's "modeling" career didn't involve any going down. #splash
7:24 PM - 12 Jan 13

"Is there nothing this woman can't do?" Move her face? #splash
7:27 PM - 12 Jan 13

"Caprice is like an Amazonian woman. And Eddie's the same." #splash
7:33 PM - 12 Jan 13

"I'm joined by one of the most popular comedians in the country." I assume he means Paloma Faith. #adsofsplash
7:42 PM - 12 Jan 13

I don't think Britain's men are that fussed about her cozzie. At least not the section of Britain's men watching this. #splash
7:44 PM - 12 Jan 13

How surprising that every week one of the contestants gets "distracted" by Tom's trunks. So we just *have* to zoom in on them. #splash
7:45 PM - 12 Jan 13

I'm uncomfortable with Domino's sponsoring #splash. I hope they've left half an hour after their pizzas before going in the pool.
8:15 PM - 12 Jan 13

After next week's show, will they swap round and have Anthony Ogogo teach Tom Daley to box? *insert "pounding in the ring" joke* #splash
1 RETWEET
8:27 PM - 12 Jan 13

"Last week! A reality TV audience didn't vote for a breasty woman and we had to act surprised!" #doi
6:17 PM - 13 Jan 13

"The BAFTA-winning show The Only Way Is Essex." See, BAFTA, that's just going to keep coming back and biting you. #doi
6:38 PM - 13 Jan 13

"Here's your BAFTA, Dame Judi!" "Shove it up your arse, it's WORTHLESS now!" #doi
6:38 PM - 13 Jan 13

"He does enjoy giving you the willies." *face* #doi
6:45 PM - 13 Jan 13

Oona Paloma Blanca, as my mum would no doubt call her. #doi
7:09 PM - 13 Jan 13

"Save-me skates." Are they like fuck-me shoes? #doi
8:30 PM - 13 Jan 13

These posters about how great the Arcola's new heating system is are really helping with the shivering, I must say.
9:20 PM - 14 Jan 13

I always feel a bit guilty when someone's tragic true life story bores me.
10:40 PM - 14 Jan 13

I dreamed I was an avid #thearchers listener. IRL I've never got further than the theme tune. I blame @stevenperkins.
9:47 AM - 15 Jan 13

@stevenperkins Laura Linney turns up in gay-friendly project *face of surprise*
8:30 PM - 15 Jan 13