Dick Twittington 15: "She is Friendship and Flowers."

This week on my Twitter feed I'm actually at home to watch The Apprentice and regale Twitter with my opinions on it. Also parts of The Voice final, although in practice I'm just commenting on the couple of seconds I managed to bear.

Tesco mobile has a poster ad in which Gina Yashere tells a joke that isn't funny. I think this is meant to be unusual.
4:02 PM - 19 Jun 13

"Some people are lesbian, some people are gay, some people are undead and just like necks." #apprentice
9:09 PM - 19 Jun 13

No surprise Jason's gone for over-50s dating after last week's flirty shenanigans #apprentice
9:12 PM - 19 Jun 13

"Everyone here has blood on their lips." Again no, that's just Alex. #apprentice
1 FAVORITE
9:22 PM - 19 Jun 13

"She is Friendship and Flowers." As insults go, that lacks a bit of bite #apprentice
9:53 PM - 19 Jun 13

"Next week I'd like to follow Luisa. Not on the show, just down a dark alley with a machete." #apprentice
9:58 PM - 19 Jun 13

Well that was one of the more painless National Theatre booking periods. It didn't even reject my card half a dozen times before accepting.
8:42 AM - 20 Jun 13

So Wilton's Music Hall has been granted all the funding it needs to not fall over - good news!
3:25 PM - 20 Jun 13

So wasting eggs is the latest theatrical meme. THOSE POOR HENS GOT SORE BOTTOMS FOR NOTHING!
6:58 AM - 21 Jun 13

A department a few desks down just sang Happy Birthday to someone. They audibly lost enthusiasm for it halfway through.
1 FAVORITE
10:47 AM - 21 Jun 13

Sleb Spot: Graham Norton looking stroppy, Canary Wharf shopping centre.
1:09 PM - 21 Jun 13

Let's face it, best thing about this job is the staff canteen. Fish'n'chips Fridays!
1:18 PM - 21 Jun 13

Well the wife stood on my left foot getting to her seat & the husband stood on my right foot, I guess that balances out.
1 FAVORITE
3:24 PM - 22 Jun 1

#thevoice is DEFINITELY not like the #xfactor... now here's Michael BOOB-lay!
9:11 PM - 22 Jun 13

Airplane! is playing silently on the stage. Now I'll just be disappointed when the show starts.
2:45 PM - 23 Jun 13

My sister's just informed me there's a portrait of Emeli Sandé in the National Portrait Gallery. THERE IS NO ESCAPE!
4:24 PM - 23 Jun 13

I bet it wasn't even a portrait, it was just her in a frame.
4:25 PM - 23 Jun 13

Fabulous Spot: Samantha Bond at the Finborough, almost going off without her scarf.
7:07 PM - 23 Jun 13

Earlier, I chose not to Sleb Spot a certain Irish former Misfit, on account of him REALLY REALLY WANTING to be noticed.
1 FAVORITE
7:10 PM - 23 Jun 13

It's 'cause I'm totally not an enabler. Unless I am.
7:13 PM - 23 Jun 13

@TheatreFan82 FEET. ON. A. STOOL. ON. THE. SET. #scandalised
7:16 PM - 23 Jun 13

The Wanted: "We were the last to see Amy Winehouse alive!" Are they... confessing to something?
1 RETWEET
7:34 AM - 24 Jun 13

They may well be, but I don't know why Pauline Collins should take the blame. http://twitpic.com/cyxhtt
1:38 PM - 24 Jun 13

We've moved to different desks. There's so many more hot men on this floor than on the last one.
2:49 PM - 24 Jun 13

I mean, I'm sure they're all Apprentice-level douchebags, but at least they don't have neckbeards.
2:50 PM - 24 Jun 13

My Twitter feed from last night is full of tweets about 10-stone testicles. I assume there was a documentary on about Daniel Radcliffe.
7:03 AM - 25 Jun 13

Lord Spot: Darth Lloyd Webber, Long Acre.
7:08 PM - 25 Jun 13

I think that usher might hear the words "as Christmas" quite often.
7:16 PM - 25 Jun 13

On which note, Happy Half-Christmas. Odds on when we see the first decorations?
7:18 PM - 25 Jun 13