Obsessive Compulsive Hoarders

On this week's episode of Obsessive Compulsive Hoarders we meet David, who's been hoarding dead people in the walls of his house for the last seventy years.

"Knock Knock" by Mike Bartlett, directed by Bill Anderson. Spoilers after the cut.

Mike Bartlett wrote a housing crisis play so I wasn't too surprised when his first Doctor Who script was on the same subject - and with a little "who's the Prime Minister?" moment for the benefit of whoever wasn't afraid enough of the actual monster-of-the-week. Big week for Bartlett on the BBC of course, as the TV version of King Charles III finally arrives on Wednesday.

Series 10 continues its hit streak, 4 for 4 so far, although for an episode revolving around Bill and her friends it's not the best show of Pearl Mackie's strengths as a companion - her job this week is mostly to run away and survive by pure luck, although the reference to the Doctor as her grandfather both makes sense and ties in with the the previous oldest actor to play the role. And even for me the bit about Harry's gay grandad was Trying Way Too Hard.

Making kids scared of creaky floorboards is a classic Doctor Who idea, shame that Bill Anderson doesn't really make it work, although David Suchet makes up for it by being almost as scary as that time he flashed the pub I was in from his dressing room window, and looking like he's almost blending into the brown walls. Which were made of Mariah Gale, it turns out, because like all the best punchlines the answer to this week's mystery was "your mum."

I don't know what the Whoniverse's deal is about killing off hot Polish boys, though. I mean, sure, Mateusz didn't actually die in Class, but he was blatantly the Tara so in the alternate universe where that gets a second series he's totally a gonner. Also Bart Suavek's Pavel only died temporarily here so my whole argument doesn't make sense but I've written it now and you've had to read it so who's the real loser, eh? Anyway, attractive guest cast is, I think, what I'm basically saying here. That opening shot looks like the start of some particularly high-quality porn and shush, don't pretend you didn't think it too. Ben Presley as Paul, very tall and very Scottish, works for me. And I was looking back through my other blog and it turns out it's been four years since Colin Ryan and the nipple tassels, time flies but some images are burned into your retinas forever. Also also, thanks to my theatregoing I've now seen Harry from this episode getting off within this play so that's canon in my head now and you can't stop me.

Hey, you know who else wrote a better housing crisis play than Mike Bartlett? Philip Ridley, he should totally be the next playwright to get a Doctor Who gig. And no, I'm completely serious. He's a children's author and experienced scriptwriter so he's totally qualified. Never mind getting kids scared of the floorboards, let's get them scared of LITERALLY EVERYTHING.